There is no perfect world filled with flower gardens and the sun shining every day, the warmth of which I can feel on my skin with birdsong as background music and the water rippling in a stream that flows over the protruding boulders…

For me it is a world where I can dream away when I close my eyes, when the stimuli I have received during the day have flooded me to bring peace to myself.

It is my moment to zoom out and put busy thoughts, worries and even anxiety aside for a moment and press the pause button in time...

Exploring what I feel inside and how my body feels is difficult for me as an HSP with severe PTSD, to be honest.

I live too much in my head and still have to learn to get more in touch with my body and what is happening around me.

I practice this by closing my eyes and simply feeling, for example walking a barefoot path.

Survival mode has been on too much in recent years and I am automatically at the helm of my ship, my ship that has thrown out several anchors over the years that prevent me from sailing further.

How bumpy the path of life may be is mainly determined by your own behavior and how you deal with it as a person.

You don't always choose how life turns out, but you do choose how you respond to it and deal with it.

That is the difference between what you can and cannot control.

The trick is to give your own emotions the right guidance, in the right direction, to where you want to be in the future.

I went straight ahead whatever came my way, I had a goal in mind and never lost sight of it for a second, no matter what the situation.

Whenever my attempts failed, I changed tactics and kept going until I got the right one and everything gradually fell into place. It took me years but I can now proudly say that I am satisfied with where I am in my life, on the right track with still a lot of room for improvement, better said, growth.

My mistake was to lose myself in this and the autopilot had taken over my cockpit as I said before.

Don't make the same mistake and park thoughts and fears in time, get out of your head and create a feeling with what is around you.

Disconnect yourself for a moment and connect with nature, recharge your battery so that you can be more productive and objective afterwards.

How am I doing?

“I'm fine,” and you hear yourself say it as you feel yourself screaming inside.

No one can understand what you're going through and it's easier to just say 'fine'.

You lie to the outside world but never let that define who you really are.

It is also a coping mechanism that is deeply rooted and sometimes that makes it a little easier and that is completely understandable.

You feel so many physical discomforts that you have to deal with every day, and the emotions that accompany them.

It is difficult to describe because you are already overwhelmed by this whole, which is also so incredibly loaded with stimuli that come and continue to come from all sides, can change...

Day to day, minute to minute, everything can suddenly be so different and you fall from one extreme to the other.

It is impossible to express everything in clear language, which increases the captivity in your head, keeping you captive, as it were, because you perceive everything that happens in your mind and body, but you cannot share them or do not know how.

That is incredibly hard and feels very lonely.

After all, everything happens inside your body and in your head and there is nothing to criticize on the outside.

It is very difficult for outsiders to understand that something is wrong, or if there is anything wrong at all, and requires a lot of empathy from that person.

Especially if you suffer from one or more rare conditions, that makes it all even more complicated.

Because it does not happen often, and the medical world itself does not have all the answers, and in fact: there is no clear-cut treatment or cure.

Survival mode has a particularly strong power and an enormous amount of control over me as a person, how I think, reason, deal with situations and how I frame emotions, including the emotions and behavior of others.

That makes sense because it was often the only thing that was there for me every day when I had to face so much in my life and becoming chronically ill was just one of them.

And I'm still trying to understand why I was given this task, why I was suddenly assigned every day to fight for the most normal thing: life.

In the future, when my acceptance is complete in the how and why, it will bring me more enlightenment and especially peace.

My mind suffered terribly, which my body kept dragging along and became an equally great victim. There were no limits because there was no possibility for that and continuing was the only option that was always in front of me.

The goal was never let go for a second and I forgot to take into account the consequences of what it could do to me, losing myself while I didn't even know who I was, I couldn't make sense of my own existence.

I didn't understand who I was, why I always felt different all my life from childhood, why everything was perceived in great detail through my eyes, why I felt so much, could get upset quickly but had a lot of feeling for the emotions of others. others around me, accompanied by the pitfall of trying to carry this with me every time.

Absorb it like a sponge and suffer with others instead of living with them...

The border is always thin and difficult to recognize, build a filter around you but no walls, because that is also a pitfall.

Plant the seeds that you want to grow and make sure to weed the weeds in time. Do not let your flower garden become overgrown with too many weeds, when weeds start to overgrow (negative thoughts and fear) they will dominate and eventually take control of you. beautiful flower garden.

Be vigilant about yourself, take care of yourself and most of all, be kind to yourself.

Make it a habit to create positive thoughts instead of negative ones (autosuggestion).

Neuroplasticity or a neurolinguistic program can help you with this.

To be honest, that fear comes from me and originated in my own thoughts.

The perception of objectivity and subjectivity became increasingly blurred, causing fear to increase and manifest itself more and more at any time of the day, but is usually activated by a trigger.

This trigger is usually something that the fear is built on, when it threatens to become realistic, it is immediately activated, such as a fire alarm that goes off when it detects smoke, but does it therefore burn systematically or could it be something else?

Can smoke just be smoke, when the saying goes: 'where there is smoke, there is fire'?

Fear is a mindset that you can control and direct.

Thoughts translate into physical equivalents:

The world consists of 2 things: energy and matter, they cannot be created or destroyed.

Life, like other forms of energy, can go through various transition processes or changes but never cease to exist.

For example: death is just a transition.

If there is nothing after death except an eternal deep sleep, there is nothing to fear.

If you can accept this logic, there is no need to fear death anymore.

Nightly dreams...
(re-experiencing trauma)

During the night, our brain is hard at work processing and arranging the stimuli acquired during the day, while your body rests peacefully and recovers, energy is built up again to start a new day.

A special cycle of the body and mind.

But what if it is disturbed by anxiety or nighttime dreams?

An overstimulated brain that cannot calm down remains in a maelstrom of thoughts, fear that has grown further from a trauma.

Which disrupts your night's sleep and ultimately exhausts your body so much that the days feel like weeks to get through, your body has to drag on just to get by.

A fear or trauma can be so deeply rooted, and you don't even have to think about it, even without your knowledge, fears and traumas can manifest themselves in your deep subconscious, completely stuck.

You carry a lot of baggage with you and the backpack becomes heavier and heavier because the body is becoming increasingly exhausted and you carry your emotional baggage with you every day.

It seems like you keep absorbing but not letting anything go.

That is also a whole process of recovery, learning to recognize, accept and then let go.

Why do I feel so invisible?

What you think you see for the future is still undescribed.

There are infinite possibilities in the future that is constantly changing.

Every decision you make creates another alternative.

The future is not yet written.

You have to focus on the here and now.

Living your life.

Teach yourself to shine in your own light.

No one can do this for you.

Do what you like to do, set a clearly defined goal for yourself and determine in great detail the steps you need to take to work towards it.

Be unconditionally committed and believe in yourself and don't let anything or anyone get in your way.

There is no failure on the way to your goal, when something doesn't go your way, change your step but never your goal.

When something fails, it often wants to tell us something, something from which we can learn and change is necessary.

Determination always wins in the end...

Actively processing a deep-rooted trauma with the help of a therapist can help with this and, if necessary, a sleep coach is extremely important.

Allowing your emotions in the event of a certain trauma is an important step, recognizing and accepting them.

It's okay to feel what I feel about this, it's okay to have certain emotions about this.

It's okay that this is present now and I think about it and how would I feel if I let it go and just calm down?

Focus on what you do want, rewrite your own events or fear into something positive and believe in it.

Exercise your mind (brain) to learn to be receptive to positive thoughts and stimuli.

Put on some soft music as background, or listen to an audiobook/podcast, anything that can help you relax.

Meditation, breathing exercises or self-reflection before going to sleep helps to create peace in the body and mind.

Create a quiet sleeping environment and avoid stimulants such as caffeine and stimuli from screens (TV, mobile phone, tablet) before going to sleep.

I cannot emphasize enough how important Yoga and meditation plays a role in processing trauma and relieving anxiety.

As an HSP you have so much power and potential within yourself, bring it out and use it for everything you want to achieve, for everything you want to do.

Your weakness is also a strength, make full use of it in your own creativity.

Sooner or later you will meet the right people, even during your process you may meet new people, people who better suit you that you can connect with, have a feeling for and build a bond with.

People who support you can help get you where you want to be.

Our path is unfathomable, what we have no control over, what you do have control over is how you walk your path and what you do for it.